9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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