she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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