Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we made out on top of his cat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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