Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
