i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize