Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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