Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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