After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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