Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
