Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
