I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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