Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just google imaged poop.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she pinky promised me she was 18
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
