Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
