I want to make a zoo with you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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