She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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