glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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