I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
