I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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