i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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