Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
