Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
