Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
