life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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