I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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