Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
