Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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