I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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