Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize