I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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