u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize