don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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