Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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