So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
