Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
