Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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