evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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