Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
