How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize