I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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