How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize