I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
