Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
