What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
