I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
