He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
