Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
