i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We're too hungover to prance.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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