We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
