I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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