I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We are all done wearing pants today
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize