She's JV to your varsity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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