Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
