The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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