I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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