he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i dont even know how to be here
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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