we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
