Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
