Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
