i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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