Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
