I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
