If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
