I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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