We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
