That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
