Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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