U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
