You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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