I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
