I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
