cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
