Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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